Healthcare with Some Poo and a Broken Hip

I hate the color yellow...
Idk why but yellow is just a dumb color...
But I do have a Spongebob t-shirt that I just can't part with...don't judge me.

Today is Tuesday and not much has happened... I watched an old lady slip in my dog's poo earlier.
It was a bit funny but what if she had like fell and broken her hip and slowly drowned from internal bleeding? Not cool.

I'm not quite sure how I feel about Obama's healthcare reform just yet...we'll see how it turns out.
I don't understand why people are flipping out now, he TOLD us that this was what he wanted to do...and we elected him...so why are people surprised that he's actually doing something that he SAID he was going to do? Smh...

On another note, Obama is probably great in the sack...

Patriotic Eggs and The Pipe Layer...

I was craving scrambled eggs all day today, so I rushed home to cook them...is that weird?

eh...doesn't matter...they were awesome.

One of my exes told me that it was all in the whipping of the egg. He said I shouldn't stop scrambling until I was pouring directly into the pan...as nicely as he was laying it down...I didn't care what he was talking about...I just smiled and agreed.

His head game was also ridiculous...(Mommy, stop reading)...which means he pretty much got away with more than I would normally allow.

Yes I say allow because I'm not the one to really settle for something less than what I give, which is a lot.

Isn't it funny how sex controls us sometimes? How much we tolerate is directly related to how great the sex in the relationship is. Smh. Does that make us all simple twits, or lust-thriving freaks? Well its better than what some foreign alliance leaders call us.

btw-Like America, most of the people that you think love/wanna be you...Don't!

Oh, Maybe you Didn't Get the Memo...I'm the Shit!

He says "I love how you just walk around like you own this motherfucker"....
I said..."Oh, you must be new..."
He says "Well, now we know each other so you can speak and not ignore me when you see me staring at you."
I said..."Oh no, I will still ignore you, because you're not important to me." (smiling...)
He says "Not yet anyway"
I said..."Wow, you've got a big pair of balls....dont cha'?"
He says "You can try all you want to scare me off, it's not working...so just let it go."
I said..."You may not be scared now, but you will be...I assure you!"
He says "Try me if you want to...And I'll have your ass twisted. You better watch it."
I said..."Hmmm is that right? (raising one eyebrow like "The Rock"."
Giggling to myself...

I Hate Little Bitches and Their Jeans!!

(This is the conversation I had with myself after some teenager in Macy's proceeded to tell me what jeans might look good "in my size"....But then her superfine Boss told her she had so much to learn about what men want, he then promptly slid me his business card, and offered to buy me dinner.)

I have news for you home slice...
My ASS looks pretty damn awesome in a nice pair or even a not so nice pair of jeans.
Dumb bitches....they never surprise me...smh.
Is it possible for you to even have an ass if you're a size 0? Yea...No.
I know my big beautiful tits make your mouth water too. Do. Not. Disrespect. Me.

BlackBird - 1 Silly Bitch - 0

Sexy SpongeBob and The Vagina

Today was a stagnant day. Sex was on my brain before my feet even hit my bedroom floor...gotta love it?...........or not so much.
So I flipped on the tele and since I fell asleep with the TV on Nickelodeon, SpongeBob was on. Now I was half sleep, but is it me or is SpongeBob NOT for children?
Now before I say anything, I am a HUGE fan of SpongeBob. BUT, would I let my kids watch it? Um...probably not. They say things like "shut up", "stupid", and I may have even heard a "damn"!
OK, so after half watching and listening for about 10 minutes, I SWEAR I see one cartoon figure bent over another. Now I'm a horn dog, so more than likely I'm making this into something that its not! But kids nowadays know more about sex than they did years ago... So tell me this...

How the hell am I supposed to explain sex to my kids?

OK being a parent already scares the shit out of me because I've seen how parents seriously fuck up their kids. When your child comes to you and asks about sex and babies and crap like that, WTF are you supposed to tell them?
Depending on how old they are I'm sure you can totally get away with "Well honey, you can fill out an application and place an order with Santa and he'll put you on a list to receive a baby when one becomes available". But how about when they're like 11 and no longer buying any of the bullshit your selling? What then?
What if my little boy sees me getting out of the shower and asks "whats that?" while pointing at my vagina crawl space.
It's too scary!!  If I have a girl, I'm screwed. The whole menstruation thing makes me vomit in my mouth and slowly die inside every month as it is.
It's bullshit madness I tell ya!!
I see the "holistic" parents who never even fib to their children because they believe lying breeds lies. So when they're kids ask about penises they say things like "Well sweetie, men have these tools to enter into a woman's vagina and plant the seeds of life"! WTF!?!?!
I don't care what you do to your children but my 2 year olds aren't going to be talking about vaginas before nap time....fuck that!
You can ruin the little freaks before they even hit puberty.
Parenting is hard enough without all the damn questions you have to answer in the deli section of the supermarket.
* What is a nipple?
* Why are you and daddy so noisy at night?
* What does mommy mean?
* Can I pee right here?
* Do boogers have feelings?

I'm exhausted already...

This Guy Chisels Away at the Italian Marble I have Protecting my Heart!

This is WHY I LOVE him So MUCH!!

I told him he was better than the Cotton Candy ice cream that I am addicted to LOVE from Cold Stone! Yep, I love him that much!


and he's hot....soooooo....I'm guessing I should book a flight to the UK like asap huh?


Sounds like a plan...(mental note: birth control? *check*)


In all honesty...Thank You Simon...YOU are why I write at all! *sniffle*


Carry on...

The Cheater, The B*tch, and the Lost Beach Boy

Sometimes I have to stop myself from talking to people like everyone is an idiot except me! haha
It's really not funny at all, because I have this personality disorder attitude problem and I kind of sound condescending when I speak to people sometimes...yeah I should probably stop... I know people aren't morons...wait... right?? Well...eh...either way I shouldn't be a bitch to everybody because I wouldn't want to be treated that way. So today I will control my anger even though most assholes people deserve it!

So In Other News::

! Tiger Woods has a love child huh? With his affinity towards white chicks women that don't mind being home wreckers, I'd say he's well on his way to having his wife pour hot grits on his ass in the middle of the night.
! Day 16 of NO flesh MEAT and the worst part is not the temptation, its the jerks that offer their opinions every time I say "nope, no meat for me"...like dude, did I ask you to comment on MY life choices?!?!
prick...
! So I've starting watching the tv series LOST on DVD and I'm up to season 2...Can I just say that I KNOW I'm late but stfu. Sawyer...is...HOT...I'll bounce his bastard children out right now! The man has DIMPLES...I mean DAMN, they don't make men like that anymore... fuck...
! I wish I had a workout partner, this way I can have someone to motivate me to ya know...workout.
its better to do those kinds of things together, this way I can minimize my lazy nonproductive days.
! I want some Cotton Candy Stone Cold ice cream...Hmmmm...How am I going to get it though, since I'm at work? *thinking*

in the meantime...talk amongst yourselves...!

Lesbians are Cool!

I recently took advantage of an opportunity to pamper myself, its a courtesy of the hotel business I suppose. I haven't had a massage since the Reagan administration so I felt like it might be time to ya know, go get a rub down!
So I get there and its very classy and elegant. There is a doorman that escorts me into the spa and bows while he's holding the door. The owners were there to greet me and we had a quick talk about the business that I send to them and how they are very grateful (Nice bunch of people those Ukrainians)!
So she escorts me into a dark room with serene music and shadow spotlights, and asks me which type of massage I would like to have. I let her know that I'm kind of tense and I haven't had a day off in 11 days so I might need a Deep Tissue massage. She agreed and told me where to put my clothes and let me know that if I wanted to leave my underwear on, I could.
So once she leaves the room I strip down butt naked, because I mean seriously...I love my body and I'm not shy or uncomfortable in my own skin. I lay down on the table face down and tuck my fingers under my hips.
She comes in and says "Wow, you're naked...I love it"...!
As she proceeds to caress my back, I can feel myself relaxing already. Mmmmm!
Now the real party starts when she massages all the way UP my leg...also known as the ASS area of my body!
Now I haven't had a massage in quite some time, but I do NOT remember my butt cheeks being a part of the ordeal at all! While molesting my butt crack she says things like "You're skin is so soft, what do you do to it?"...WTF!
I mean, maybe she figured because I stripped down to "la buff" that I wanted to be sodomized by her fingers? Well the thing is, I actually enjoyed her fondling my private parts...(Great so now I'm a lesbian, awesome...)...I thought I was all finished and then she hit me with the two sexiest words you can ever hear during sex... In a sexy, sultry voice she said "TURN OVER"!!!
I said Awwww Shit...
She then proceeded to massage my upper chest area, like right above the "ladies". It wasn't the most awesome feeling but I'm a touchy feely person anyway, so I was very happy. *smile*
And then she insulted me by saying she didn't understand why a pretty girl has such ugly eyebrows (Europeans...lol smh) , so she waxed and plucked me to death, which really made me feel pampered....It was great!
The next day I had another massage set up by a different spa, and she was an older lady with waaaaaay more experience, so after THAT massage I had lobster skin... and my neck felt so loose and no longer tense! it was like I was finally free! Yay!!!
All in all I enjoyed the molestation and stuff...massages ROCK!!
*smile*

Touch Me, Tease Me.....Or Not!

Well I took a poll to ask readers what they would like me to blog about and SEX is the winner by like a landslide!!
Hmmm, lets see...what to discuss...how about likes and dislikes?

OK Likes/Quick ways to make my panties moist...(God I hope my mom isn't reading today...sorry Ma, I know its Sunday!):

*...slow, tender kisses
*...rubbing of the head...OK now this might present a problem because I now have a hair-piece in...like so many other women. So guys don't go rubbing on her bean until you get all of her beauty facts!
But my piece is coming out soon so, I love to have my head massaged...
*...I like it when he aims to please me...YEP...because I AIM to please...I LOVE to have him satisfied, it just feels so good to me.
*...blow me a kiss or motion a kiss from far away...I'll be squirming in my seat after a few of those.
*...sex toys...they just make the world better...lol
*...having sex in places where people might see...or we might get into trouble...ooooh yum!
*...uncircumcised penises...enough said!
*...manhandling...I like to be tossed around sometimes...maybe even a slap here and there...lol yes I know...with the wrong person, this can be a disaster...(I found that out the hard way....OK, moving on!)
*...sex in weird/erotic places: bathrooms, beaches, roof tops, the tops of car or trucks, parents/grandparents houses, malls, movie theaters, laundry rooms...etc...
*...CUNNILINGUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I'm doing the hula dance in my seat just thinking about it!)
*...his pleasure...This a big one...I won't get excited if I don't see that HE is excited!

Now, Dislikes/things that will never get you any of my Peach:
...body odor...I mean I LOVE giving head (ma if you're still reading, STOP right now!!)...yeah so...because I love giving head so much I have dealt with the musky, sweaty thing...but it's not optimal, and you or your balls shouldn't smell like you've been playing basketball in the desert!
...tongues in my ear...hell to the no...please, just don't!
...dirty hands and/or fingernails...because yuck sir!
...bad breath, FYI...this does NOT include that quickie in the morning before work!
...for you to stick anything inside my vagina that isn't a part of your body or a sex toy...this includes broom handles, pens, straws, popsicles, beer bottles, teething rings, or the like!
...ambivalence...because if you don't want to work for it, you wont get it! Period.
...bad teeth or smile, or hygiene...or dress...

Hmmmm, I'm sure there are a few more that Ive forgotten but we can add those in a bit later!
OK...........................talk amongst yourselves... :-)