Yes, I'm Expecting... A Baby... Weird Right? I know!

So, yea...

I'm pregnant and having a baby...it feels sooooooooo like.... surprising.

I don't even like children... or they don't like me, whatever.

It's probably the same situation with people who hate cats but then like their own cat. Eh.

All in all, i am excited though... I mean i am worried that I'll screw the kid up or he/she will have elephant ears and a furry back or something... *scary*

The pregnancy so far has been "picture perfect" according to my OB's and Midwives. The sickness makes me want to stab myself in the chest with an unsharpened pencil...but I digress.

18 Weeks along and I'm pretty ecstatic about it.

So, that may be the topic I write about for a while.

I doubt this will turn into a "Mommy Blog" tho, cuz yea, no.

I'm still nauseous so that means it's time to go throw up, bye for now!

:-)

I’m Pretty Sure I have Temper Problem…

Maybe I'm stressed? There are entirely too many times a day where I want to kick somebody's teeth in.

I'm so angry, I remember the last time I was this angry and the same things are happening…

I'm losing weight, and friends, and more hair comes out in the brush!?

Hmph, well it could be viewed as a nice diet I suppose, but do I really want to be miserable all day long? Life is too short to focus on the bad things that make you want to chuck a glass bottle at strangers that say things like "Smile, pretty girl"… >:-(

I just need one great thing to take my mind off of it, like a pint of Dulce de Leche ice cream, or a foot massage by some hot Asian dude that doesn't speak English, so I can say nasty, dirty things to him and he'll still smile at me.

Eh, on with the day I suppose… I'll try not to grimace at small children today.

Ciao

Miss Me?? ....... Stop Lyin'!!

I haven't blogged in a good while.
I've been busy in the world, if you will. Nope, I'm not that important, but it does sound like I am right?
I'd love to get into a nice groove of blogging a few times a week if I can, but I'm a Pisces, so with me you never really know.
I've missed this, really.
A chance to just let go and complain without feeling guilty about perpetuating negativity.
OK, fantastic, so....whats been happening? Well...

My top 10 lesbian lovers list is almost complete, I'm up to about nine and I'm giving the last one a bit more thought, to round out the bunch nicely...these things take time.

My "vegetarian that still eats fish" diet is coming along most splendidly. I'm down 28 pounds. When I tell most people that I'm 28 pounds lighter, they say "Really? Where?" Bastards.
But, nevertheless the scale doesn't lie, well unless I "make" it lie.
I feel loads better and am happy at the lifestyle change.

I still don't understand how some people can eat yellow mustard. It might be the most revolting thing on this planet. Wait no, the planet isn't big enough. I hate it. Die.

I'm sure there are a bunch of other things, however I'm getting sleepy so...
I hardly ever get a chance to just rest, so guess what I'm going to do today? You're so smart.

Love ya...

Ta Ta

Healthcare with Some Poo and a Broken Hip

I hate the color yellow...
Idk why but yellow is just a dumb color...
But I do have a Spongebob t-shirt that I just can't part with...don't judge me.

Today is Tuesday and not much has happened... I watched an old lady slip in my dog's poo earlier.
It was a bit funny but what if she had like fell and broken her hip and slowly drowned from internal bleeding? Not cool.

I'm not quite sure how I feel about Obama's healthcare reform just yet...we'll see how it turns out.
I don't understand why people are flipping out now, he TOLD us that this was what he wanted to do...and we elected him...so why are people surprised that he's actually doing something that he SAID he was going to do? Smh...

On another note, Obama is probably great in the sack...

Pain...not like a sexy S&M pain tho...

I stubbed my freaking toe on this god damn chair and I want to slap somebody in the mouth!!
Shit.

Patriotic Eggs and The Pipe Layer...

I was craving scrambled eggs all day today, so I rushed home to cook them...is that weird?

eh...doesn't matter...they were awesome.

One of my exes told me that it was all in the whipping of the egg. He said I shouldn't stop scrambling until I was pouring directly into the pan...as nicely as he was laying it down...I didn't care what he was talking about...I just smiled and agreed.

His head game was also ridiculous...(Mommy, stop reading)...which means he pretty much got away with more than I would normally allow.

Yes I say allow because I'm not the one to really settle for something less than what I give, which is a lot.

Isn't it funny how sex controls us sometimes? How much we tolerate is directly related to how great the sex in the relationship is. Smh. Does that make us all simple twits, or lust-thriving freaks? Well its better than what some foreign alliance leaders call us.

btw-Like America, most of the people that you think love/wanna be you...Don't!

God I Love Being Me...Until I Start to Age!

Yo! Whats the happs?? Too weird? OK...
So, I'm about to be 20-freaking-8! Now when it comes to other people turning 30 it's not even close to being old, but when I think about actually turning 30....It feels a bit too soon.
I had so many "things" that I wanted to accomplish before I turned 30 such as:
[] Marriage to someone who gets me, and wants the same things I do (Like sex and ice cream at 4 am.)
[] Children...I want 4 but, people say I'll change my mind after the first one!
[] 3 consecutive hot air balloon rides.
[] To fire a 12 gauge.
[] Travel to a different country every few years with my mom and husband and rugrats.
[] Learn to friggin' ice skate without my ass being blue and purple the next morning.
[] See every movie in the theater on one day. Ha!
[] Wear one purple shoe and one yellow shoe all day and see what reaction I get from people!
[] Go snorkeling or Scuba diving!
[] Play real truth or dare, like the REAL one with Jack Daniels and a whip.
[] Skip all day instead of walk!!

Among other things...maybe I can still squeeze some of these in!!
I certainly don't feel old at all...It's just all in my head...like the voice that tells me to snatch lollipops from toddlers.

I'm Back!!....To My Regular Self That Is...!

You know I would have been here to talk to the world if I could have. :-(

I had well still have really a bout with Gastroenteritis. Not. Fun.

I'm pretty sure I screamed for Jesus to "take me now" at least 12 times a day.

All because of food poisoning from a Mexican Restaurant. Bastards, I should burn the fucking place to the ground.

I would post their name here and urge everyone to forgo the fajitas with a side of vomit, but I'm keeping my court cases to a minimum.

I don't have much to update really... Just the usual me trying to push my body to get better quicker than it would like to. Basically I'm being forced to slow down which may or may not be a great thing. But...eh well...

I've missed mah bloggin'...it felt like forever.

But, mommas home!

Enjoy your day weekend psychos! :-)

I Can't Believe You Did This!?! Wait, Yes I Can, Because You're A Dick!

I got kicked in the gut today...



Identity theft that I thought was resolved two years ago....hasn't been.

Some dude named Glen Nimakoecheng or some shit...stole my damn identity and is now fucking up my chance slowing down the process of me buying a house! Bastard.



So, every person that I see today who looks like his fucking name is Glen, I'm going to flip him the bird and spit on his shoes!



I'll update later if I don't get arrested.

It's shit like this that makes me want to put bleach in some ladies water bottle at the gym.

FYI: Anger management classes don't fucking work.

Oh, Maybe you Didn't Get the Memo...I'm the Shit!

He says "I love how you just walk around like you own this motherfucker"....
I said..."Oh, you must be new..."
He says "Well, now we know each other so you can speak and not ignore me when you see me staring at you."
I said..."Oh no, I will still ignore you, because you're not important to me." (smiling...)
He says "Not yet anyway"
I said..."Wow, you've got a big pair of balls....dont cha'?"
He says "You can try all you want to scare me off, it's not working...so just let it go."
I said..."You may not be scared now, but you will be...I assure you!"
He says "Try me if you want to...And I'll have your ass twisted. You better watch it."
I said..."Hmmm is that right? (raising one eyebrow like "The Rock"."
Giggling to myself...

I Hate Little Bitches and Their Jeans!!

(This is the conversation I had with myself after some teenager in Macy's proceeded to tell me what jeans might look good "in my size"....But then her superfine Boss told her she had so much to learn about what men want, he then promptly slid me his business card, and offered to buy me dinner.)

I have news for you home slice...
My ASS looks pretty damn awesome in a nice pair or even a not so nice pair of jeans.
Dumb bitches....they never surprise me...smh.
Is it possible for you to even have an ass if you're a size 0? Yea...No.
I know my big beautiful tits make your mouth water too. Do. Not. Disrespect. Me.

BlackBird - 1 Silly Bitch - 0

I Want to Be a Sexy Pre-Cog like my Lesbian Lover!

So today I think I'll sit in the mall and dish out "random" advice to strangers!

Do you remember the movie Minority Report? Well, Samantha Morton, whom I have an uncomfortable crush on, plays the PreCog Agatha. There was a scene in this movie where her and Tom Cruise are running through a mall and she's giving random strangers advice...like "don't go home, he knows"!

I thought this was sooooo awesome and so I have decided to replicate this scene in real life.

I'm wondering how long it will take before I get arrested thrown out.

I figure I can say things that aren't lewd but still funny...like:

~ "That down pillow is why your nose runs every morning."

~ "She likes it when you flick your tongue."

~ "You actually wear a size 9 shoe, not 7."
~ " Go see your mom, trust me."
Wouldn't this be awesome? I think I'll choke on spit while pissing my pants with laughter before I get thrown out tho.
I'll let you know how it goes.

If You Don't Know, You're A DumbAss and You Need To Learn!

I have a couple of new things happening right now. I'm deciding whether to buy a house or a condo. This might be easy for some people but for me, it is not...I am horrible at making decisions, it takes me too long and I tend to get very aggravated and say the hell with it.
But I really should just get over that shit really quickly because I mean dude, the market is only going to get better. I am the queen of deals...I LOVE getting awesome stuff for like pennies! It just makes me feel like I've gotten the most for my money ya know?

Random-Thought: I love me some pineapple!! Wooo!
Ok...
So I've asked around and people have given me a lot of suggestions but how do I know that these people aren't like child molesters or if they're hiding dead bodies in their basements?? I already don't trust people and now little ole me is trying to attain property for the best deal without having to give anybody head or a slow hand job. The deals I've seen are a little too awesome for my skeptical ass to appreciate. I understand the system a little bit better after asking one of my friends 156 million questions, that only spawned more questions...but he understands. Thanx Kev!! He wants everyone to get a great a deal as his...which I won't mention because I'm sure the FBI is crawling the net and his deal was sooo awesome I don't want to put him or his broker in jeopardy! I got your back Kev!!

So here is what I have so far...
Houses are a better fit for me because I love my space. I get kind of crazy with the Pavarotti blasting at 2am and I love to paint and recreate the space for myself, but that will be almost impossible with associations keeping me down...

Condos are great in the fact that I don't have to do shit! If anything breaks I can pretty much just call a sexy stripper turned plumber to come a "service" me.
But I will have to smell other people's cooking and nasty smells and stuff ew!
I may even have to fight for parking. Grrrrr.
Eh, I'm leaning toward the home but now don't laugh...I want to be able to take a dip in the pool. I know it's stupid, but condos come with fitness centers and pools. So I'm moping around about the fact that if I get a home I won't get a pool, and Kev (my home buying guru) says that I can get a personal pool for under $400!!
Problem Solved.
Until I learn more about this shit and then end up clueless again.
Until then...

Burn Slowly in the Rotten Pits of Hell...

I'm in a bad mood today so I will be making a list of all of the people and things that have made my life THAT much harder.........Fuckers!
I hate you...
(FYI this can NOT be construed as slander as I will only be stating my opinion)...So HA!!

OK sooooo the list is growing everyday!!

I HATE:
~ The lady whose voice I hear every time I check my balance!

~ The people who invented Root Beer...Not Cream Soda...Root Beer.

~ "Michael" from Lost.

~ Blue Balls...or whatever the term is for women!

~ Anybody named Hitch...cause that's just stupid!

~ The IT guy that I have to call every time I lose my signal...I'm not calling you because I want to "catch up on old times"...jerk...!

~ The lady in Staples that I asked where I could find a good mechanical pencil that scoffed at me because she "thought only math teachers used those"... ignorant bitch.

~ All of the people still saying "Happy New Year"...idk why...but it bugs the shit outta me!

~ The person that knocks on the door when I'm in the bathroom at work. When the door is locked, I'm pretty sure that means someone is in there.

~ Anyone who doesn't know what a "Hatori Hanso" sword is.

~ The color purple...the actual color, not the movie!

~ The bastards on this cruise brochure that still look all happy knowing damn well I have an attitude!

~ This loser at work that cut the label off of my Calvin Klein coat because he said it was too "showy!" He's lucky I didn't slit his damn tires!

~ My unpredictable urine stream. Yea you heard right, it switches up on me.

~ The people who continue to talk to me even though I tell them that "I'm in a bad mood!" Stop talking to me, I wont magically snap out of it because you're "awesome". Leave me the fuck alone!

~ The therapist that says I'm not social enough. Eat deez nuts sir!

~ My sexy ass boss' wife. Lucky bitch.

~ The fact that my Blackberry screen is not a touch screen and silently giggles at me every time I have to click the "trackball"! I'm living in the stone age.

I can feel the aggravation still festering in my chest...more to come!