I'm Back!!....To My Regular Self That Is...!

You know I would have been here to talk to the world if I could have. :-(

I had well still have really a bout with Gastroenteritis. Not. Fun.

I'm pretty sure I screamed for Jesus to "take me now" at least 12 times a day.

All because of food poisoning from a Mexican Restaurant. Bastards, I should burn the fucking place to the ground.

I would post their name here and urge everyone to forgo the fajitas with a side of vomit, but I'm keeping my court cases to a minimum.

I don't have much to update really... Just the usual me trying to push my body to get better quicker than it would like to. Basically I'm being forced to slow down which may or may not be a great thing. But...eh well...

I've missed mah bloggin'...it felt like forever.

But, mommas home!

Enjoy your day weekend psychos! :-)

The Cheater, The B*tch, and the Lost Beach Boy

Sometimes I have to stop myself from talking to people like everyone is an idiot except me! haha
It's really not funny at all, because I have this personality disorder attitude problem and I kind of sound condescending when I speak to people sometimes...yeah I should probably stop... I know people aren't morons...wait... right?? Well...eh...either way I shouldn't be a bitch to everybody because I wouldn't want to be treated that way. So today I will control my anger even though most assholes people deserve it!

So In Other News::

! Tiger Woods has a love child huh? With his affinity towards white chicks women that don't mind being home wreckers, I'd say he's well on his way to having his wife pour hot grits on his ass in the middle of the night.
! Day 16 of NO flesh MEAT and the worst part is not the temptation, its the jerks that offer their opinions every time I say "nope, no meat for me"...like dude, did I ask you to comment on MY life choices?!?!
prick...
! So I've starting watching the tv series LOST on DVD and I'm up to season 2...Can I just say that I KNOW I'm late but stfu. Sawyer...is...HOT...I'll bounce his bastard children out right now! The man has DIMPLES...I mean DAMN, they don't make men like that anymore... fuck...
! I wish I had a workout partner, this way I can have someone to motivate me to ya know...workout.
its better to do those kinds of things together, this way I can minimize my lazy nonproductive days.
! I want some Cotton Candy Stone Cold ice cream...Hmmmm...How am I going to get it though, since I'm at work? *thinking*

in the meantime...talk amongst yourselves...!

I Am Now a Pescetarian....It's a Vegetarian That Smells Like FISH!!

A Pescetarian is a Vegetarian that eats fish and seafood!...
Before I get the dirty looks from all the "real" vegetarians just remember....it's my life and my body so I can do whatever the hell I want to...so suck on these!

Ok so now...Why am I doing it? Lots of reasons...:

^ It's GREAT for my body!! After 27 years of burgers, steak, bacon and lamb...I'm guessing my body needs a break. No reason to rush into a heart attack right??
^ Im not really a "Save the Animals" kind of chick but, after watching some documentary and reading all about the torture and the electric baths...my stomach kind of turns a little bit now!
^ Ive read that 1 person cutting back on 2/3 of their share of meat can save lives and prevent global warming...took me a while to understand but its something like less meat means less dead carcasses and less energy being used to kill all of these animals...so less slaughter house energy means less pollution. Less pollution means less global warming...lol something like that!
^ I've read somewhere that humans arent supposed to eat meat anyway...either the bible or something about our intestines not being equipped to deal with the long digestion period of meat!

So pity congratulate me..!
There are TONS of resources about the transformation on the net...this is one of them!
Today is day 3...now I know that 3 isn't a big number...but remember Christmas is coming up and tough times lie ahead. I think I should be OK though...
Wish me luck... Do I smell bacon??
Shit...

The Life of A Mom...Poop In The Fingernails!!

This is my baby Quishu...He is bad as all hell!! But he's my booboo so I mean, what'reyagonnado??
So recently he took his bad ass into the kitchen and turned the garbage over and ate what was left of a popcorn dinner that I had recently... (Don't judge me!)
Needless to say he was beyond backed up, he was at that stage of constipation where you sit in the friggin corner and whimper, or growl at the foreign object formally known as your right paw!
So I couldn't take it anymore, I had to save my baby boy...I knew what it was because all of the online sites pointed to extreme constipation (and I didn't REALLY feel like paying the $196 vet fee...bastards...)...so I thought to myself maybe I should give him a puppy laxative...or (what the pet sites that I cruise occasionally refer to as) mineral oil.
...2 days later still NO POOP... So I had to do something I couldn't stand to see him squirming around!
Ok now don't hate me, I would never do anything to hurt my poor baby...but what's a mom to do????? The vet I talked to on the phone said to use a turkey baster, (yeah like I have those lying around...judgemental beeyotch!)...so I said can I just use a straw or something?...no answer...I could feel her rolling her damn eyes too...ugh!!
She said "if you bring him into the office we can try to break down the blockage", I said "so why cant I do that myself, for free?"...she said "Um, well you can try"...this fucker is aggravating me now.
I put her on speaker and took Quishu outside on the deck and tried not to vomit...
She wanted me to put my damn finger in my baby's bum!!! WTF?!?!?!?! I wanted to chew off the side of this lady's face!! But.....he was suffering...and screaming...and lets just say that he couldn't sit down for 2 days...BUT................I DID IT!!!!! And he made poo...
He is feeling loads better already...he's back to running around like a psycho and jumping into my arms with a plate of food in my lap...and then mommy has to spend her movie-night cleaning spaghetti off of his bum...awesome!
But whats best for the baby is all that matters, no matter that every time I see him poop I have convulsions and silently die inside...cause eeeew!
But yeah, so that's my tragedy...yes...I know!
____________________________

Side Note:
Am I the only one whose piss switches directions midstream??....Soooo aggravating... :-x

20 Reasons I can't be Obama's Sidepiece.....Anymore...

Do you hear that? Yeah, thats my heart breaking...

1. My ego is just too big to deal with the fact that I can't like declare war and my boyfriend can!

2. He whistles the tune to Good Times in the friggin' shower.

3. The nail on the pinky toe of his left foot is all irrational and scary-looking.

4. He likes for Michelle to watch. The first time it's cool and kinky...but every Thursday?? C'mon!

5. Hilary will not stop fucking winking at me! I have no idea why, but it makes me think he's saying something about me!

6. He wears PAJAMAS, I mean....seriously? No matter what I say, he never sleeps in boxers, a wife beater or just a t-shirt. It's always silk, satin or flannel PJ's...tops and bottoms...that always MATCH!!

7. He sucks his fingers after eating. Argh! But only after meals that include chicken.

8. He says SPIC. Only when with friends and in private, but still.

9. Every time he hugs my Grandmother, he frowns a little.

10. He calls me the "nanny" when there are press releases on the grounds.

11. He has a garden that he tends to everyday at 4:17pm. It's cool, but just a little bit weird.

12. In private he speaks this weird language from Kenya, and every time I ask him about it, he just stares at me blankly.

13. Whenever we kiss our teeth clink together and it makes me want to bite his tongue off.

14. He doesn't have a cell phone!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When he should probably have like 11 of them!

15. He doesn't believe in cremation, he thinks the ashes will rebuild themselves like Terminator!

16. He doesn't eat anything yellow. Butternut squash, bananas, lemons, cake...nothing!

17. He makes me ask him for his autograph as foreplay.

18. He always drunk-dials the same Plumber in Minnesota. I have to snatch the phone every time and apologize to Earl and his wife Nancy.

19. He ate 6 live earthworms once.

20. He told me the other day: "I don't love you" and I said "What? Why not?"...he said "I don't know, I just can't, and I should be sorry, but I just can't!"

That....Fucker!

Ignoring People is Fun...Try it!

Today is Friday, whoopdeedamndoo...! I don't have the 9-5 kind of job so its not like its a weekend for me...yea yea yea OK so...
I have on this gorgeous royal blue satin shirt...yep..I look nice and sexy! Except for the fact that it's one of those like peasant type shirts...so its like riding up my ass all the way to my bra strap!
It's hard to pull off sexy when you have to keep pulling and tugging on your clothes like a 2 year old. Ugh!
In other news, I went to a conference for work yesterday, and I love discussing my job and meeting new people and all of the good crap that negates the shit that makes you want to say "f*ck dis job" on a bad day...but I was seated at a table with strangers and the women kept looking at me (one of them was a smoking hot BIG GIRL)...I thought maybe I had like a slippery snot boogie in my nose or something!

One of the guys pointed out to me "those women have been staring at you for a while now"...I'm like well I haven't slept with anybody's husband or cursed anyone out yet so...I could care less...let em stare...I look awesome today anyway...he laughs...
A few hours later, one of the ladies approaches me out in the hall after a meeting break and says "my friend and I so enjoyed your input and comments, you're so funny..." ...I'm thinking WTF??
We went on to talk about work and our jobs and where we wanted to go within the company and I found it very refreshing...women don't usually genuinely want to appreciate each other...especially BLACK women...and that's very unfortunate...because I always find myself complimenting women on whatever I think looks appealing about their appearance...
It's nice to see that I'm not alone in that regard...*smile*
People usually don't surprise me so, it was weird at first! I don't really do that well with strangers (except for work, because its my job to engage weird people and talk to them about things that I wouldn't out in the real world)...but its different when I'm not at work...I've mastered the art of ignoring people...typical NY'er...yea whatever, suck on these!

OK, so, yeah...enjoy the weekend!
later!

Rawwwwrrrr (my tiger roar)!!!!!!!!

I just had a person ask me: "What time does the airport close?"

Effing morons unite once again...