Saturday, January 2, 2010

Burn Slowly in the Rotten Pits of Hell...

I'm in a bad mood today so I will be making a list of all of the people and things that have made my life THAT much harder.........Fuckers!
I hate you...
(FYI this can NOT be construed as slander as I will only be stating my opinion)...So HA!!

OK sooooo the list is growing everyday!!

~ The lady whose voice I hear every time I check my balance!

~ The people who invented Root Beer...Not Cream Soda...Root Beer.

~ "Michael" from Lost.

~ Blue Balls...or whatever the term is for women!

~ Anybody named Hitch...cause that's just stupid!

~ The IT guy that I have to call every time I lose my signal...I'm not calling you because I want to "catch up on old times"...jerk...!

~ The lady in Staples that I asked where I could find a good mechanical pencil that scoffed at me because she "thought only math teachers used those"... ignorant bitch.

~ All of the people still saying "Happy New Year"...idk why...but it bugs the shit outta me!

~ The person that knocks on the door when I'm in the bathroom at work. When the door is locked, I'm pretty sure that means someone is in there.

~ Anyone who doesn't know what a "Hatori Hanso" sword is.

~ The color purple...the actual color, not the movie!

~ The bastards on this cruise brochure that still look all happy knowing damn well I have an attitude!

~ This loser at work that cut the label off of my Calvin Klein coat because he said it was too "showy!" He's lucky I didn't slit his damn tires!

~ My unpredictable urine stream. Yea you heard right, it switches up on me.

~ The people who continue to talk to me even though I tell them that "I'm in a bad mood!" Stop talking to me, I wont magically snap out of it because you're "awesome". Leave me the fuck alone!

~ The therapist that says I'm not social enough. Eat deez nuts sir!

~ My sexy ass boss' wife. Lucky bitch.

~ The fact that my Blackberry screen is not a touch screen and silently giggles at me every time I have to click the "trackball"! I'm living in the stone age.

I can feel the aggravation still festering in my chest...more to come!

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Eating Beans Alone With NO Sex...!

Yo! OK so I haven't been in the Christmas spirit really because...I mean, I guess I just don't care too much about it this year. I don't have children so I don't have to put up a tree and decorate or buy a million gifts for the little punks to break or leave over some other lil rugrats house!

Aaaaaaand moving on...

So, one of my friends is leaving her husband after 11 years of marriage. This sucks for a bunch of reasons:

1. She put all of these years into some guy and now has to start over. Its like a 5000 piece jigsaw puzzle that drops to the floor and splatters the moment you try to move it! Hell no! I'm not starting that shit over from the beginning... It's just a waste...

2. The double income disappears!! Stop acting like you all weren't thinking the same exact thing! I know what its like to lose that extra money that you've grown to take for granted used to. It's not cool at all! You'll have to eat beans and rice until you get accustomed to your new budget. Beans fucking suck, trust me!

3. Her ass is 11 years older than she was when she started dating the last time. Which means her tight ass and perky tits are now cottage cheese in a garbage bag and stretch marks racing each other across her boob! NOT HOT!! Its a shame...

4. She has kids by the loser guy! Which means they will be eating beans too they are now the victims of a broken home! smh

5. She'll be alone. Which she obviously doesn't mind because shes choosing to leave the guy rather than stay so...alone is probably looking really great to her right now!

OK, now I see some silver lining here...let me fill you in:

1. She can bang ANYONE she wants without getting caught worrying about hurting someone elses feelings!
Ha! Shiiii...that kind of freedom sounds good to me!

...Yeah, that's all I really can think of...

Good Luck Mamita!

No, you can NOT stay with me Lou....I love you...but Hell NO!

My walking around naked all the time might aggravate you after a few days anyway...