Friday, November 13, 2009

The Life of A Mom...Poop In The Fingernails!!

This is my baby Quishu...He is bad as all hell!! But he's my booboo so I mean, what'reyagonnado??
So recently he took his bad ass into the kitchen and turned the garbage over and ate what was left of a popcorn dinner that I had recently... (Don't judge me!)
Needless to say he was beyond backed up, he was at that stage of constipation where you sit in the friggin corner and whimper, or growl at the foreign object formally known as your right paw!
So I couldn't take it anymore, I had to save my baby boy...I knew what it was because all of the online sites pointed to extreme constipation (and I didn't REALLY feel like paying the $196 vet fee...bastards...) I thought to myself maybe I should give him a puppy laxative...or (what the pet sites that I cruise occasionally refer to as) mineral oil.
...2 days later still NO POOP... So I had to do something I couldn't stand to see him squirming around!
Ok now don't hate me, I would never do anything to hurt my poor baby...but what's a mom to do????? The vet I talked to on the phone said to use a turkey baster, (yeah like I have those lying around...judgemental beeyotch!) I said can I just use a straw or something? answer...I could feel her rolling her damn eyes too...ugh!!
She said "if you bring him into the office we can try to break down the blockage", I said "so why cant I do that myself, for free?"...she said "Um, well you can try"...this fucker is aggravating me now.
I put her on speaker and took Quishu outside on the deck and tried not to vomit...
She wanted me to put my damn finger in my baby's bum!!! WTF?!?!?!?! I wanted to chew off the side of this lady's face!! But.....he was suffering...and screaming...and lets just say that he couldn't sit down for 2 days...BUT................I DID IT!!!!! And he made poo...
He is feeling loads better already...he's back to running around like a psycho and jumping into my arms with a plate of food in my lap...and then mommy has to spend her movie-night cleaning spaghetti off of his bum...awesome!
But whats best for the baby is all that matters, no matter that every time I see him poop I have convulsions and silently die inside...cause eeeew!
But yeah, so that's my tragedy...yes...I know!

Side Note:
Am I the only one whose piss switches directions midstream??....Soooo aggravating... :-x

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Why Don't I Have Enough Money to Travel??

Every now and then I get this urge to it it it a need to see something different, who knows?

I've been planning a trip to Greece since like 2007, but I'm lazy and procrastination is like my only talent. But I'm realizing that I have zero funds available to take a random trip around the world. Oh and I'm single so that's another reason...I don't have that AWESOME double income thing poppin'. So naturally I tried to explore the reasons why I have no travel money. I came across a few things...

* I buy something for my house twice a week, whether it be a throw rug, or curtains, or a new mop...I simply am addicted to the housewares department of Target/Ikea/Pier 1/Home Depot...yes I said Home friggin Depot! I like to switch up bedroom color schemes and I like pillows....don't judge me!

* I lend people money...that I hardly EVER get back...and I'm too nice to hound the mafia...who ALWAYS gets paid btw... Ever have a conversation with someone that owes you money? It's weird and uncomfortable...because every word they say you're like...stfu...and pay me...damn! Or......maybe that's just me.

* My truck EATS and SWALLOWS gas...probably only because I have a lead foot and hate hitting the brakes. I have some little driving tips that help to save gas, but none of them actually include slowing the fuck down!

* I pay for my moms EVERYTHING, because shes my only one and I think she deserves to be well taken care of (I mean she took care of me, and still sometimes does!).

* I buy whatever the hell I fell like buying, whenever I have the money...yea...I suck at saving... I mean, I try really hard sometimes...and I even get really great at it...but the "voices"...They speak to me and say things like... "Dude, you can totally fit that 9, buy it now or be a loser" or "It has to be divine intervention for your ass to look this awesome in those jeans"!

* I buy something every time I feel badly in order to make myself feel better...I know that millions of women do this...hmmm but those women are either married to men with money or they're also bad at saving.

* I eat out alot!! Like waaaay too much... which is probably why my ass looks like cottage cheese in a garbage bag...smh....bastard!

I always say that I'm gonna start saving more, but then...NYET! So maybe I should set aside like $20 dollars every check...hahaaaaaaa! Wait, isnt that called a 401K??

Update: I was headed to the mall to "look around"...BUT I stopped myself...but then still bought a book on Amazon...shit...