God I Love Being Me...Until I Start to Age!

Yo! Whats the happs?? Too weird? OK...
So, I'm about to be 20-freaking-8! Now when it comes to other people turning 30 it's not even close to being old, but when I think about actually turning 30....It feels a bit too soon.
I had so many "things" that I wanted to accomplish before I turned 30 such as:
[] Marriage to someone who gets me, and wants the same things I do (Like sex and ice cream at 4 am.)
[] Children...I want 4 but, people say I'll change my mind after the first one!
[] 3 consecutive hot air balloon rides.
[] To fire a 12 gauge.
[] Travel to a different country every few years with my mom and husband and rugrats.
[] Learn to friggin' ice skate without my ass being blue and purple the next morning.
[] See every movie in the theater on one day. Ha!
[] Wear one purple shoe and one yellow shoe all day and see what reaction I get from people!
[] Go snorkeling or Scuba diving!
[] Play real truth or dare, like the REAL one with Jack Daniels and a whip.
[] Skip all day instead of walk!!

Among other things...maybe I can still squeeze some of these in!!
I certainly don't feel old at all...It's just all in my head...like the voice that tells me to snatch lollipops from toddlers.

I'm Back!!....To My Regular Self That Is...!

You know I would have been here to talk to the world if I could have. :-(

I had well still have really a bout with Gastroenteritis. Not. Fun.

I'm pretty sure I screamed for Jesus to "take me now" at least 12 times a day.

All because of food poisoning from a Mexican Restaurant. Bastards, I should burn the fucking place to the ground.

I would post their name here and urge everyone to forgo the fajitas with a side of vomit, but I'm keeping my court cases to a minimum.

I don't have much to update really... Just the usual me trying to push my body to get better quicker than it would like to. Basically I'm being forced to slow down which may or may not be a great thing. But...eh well...

I've missed mah bloggin'...it felt like forever.

But, mommas home!

Enjoy your day weekend psychos! :-)

I Can't Believe You Did This!?! Wait, Yes I Can, Because You're A Dick!

I got kicked in the gut today...



Identity theft that I thought was resolved two years ago....hasn't been.

Some dude named Glen Nimakoecheng or some shit...stole my damn identity and is now fucking up my chance slowing down the process of me buying a house! Bastard.



So, every person that I see today who looks like his fucking name is Glen, I'm going to flip him the bird and spit on his shoes!



I'll update later if I don't get arrested.

It's shit like this that makes me want to put bleach in some ladies water bottle at the gym.

FYI: Anger management classes don't fucking work.

Oh, Maybe you Didn't Get the Memo...I'm the Shit!

He says "I love how you just walk around like you own this motherfucker"....
I said..."Oh, you must be new..."
He says "Well, now we know each other so you can speak and not ignore me when you see me staring at you."
I said..."Oh no, I will still ignore you, because you're not important to me." (smiling...)
He says "Not yet anyway"
I said..."Wow, you've got a big pair of balls....dont cha'?"
He says "You can try all you want to scare me off, it's not working...so just let it go."
I said..."You may not be scared now, but you will be...I assure you!"
He says "Try me if you want to...And I'll have your ass twisted. You better watch it."
I said..."Hmmm is that right? (raising one eyebrow like "The Rock"."
Giggling to myself...

I Hate Little Bitches and Their Jeans!!

(This is the conversation I had with myself after some teenager in Macy's proceeded to tell me what jeans might look good "in my size"....But then her superfine Boss told her she had so much to learn about what men want, he then promptly slid me his business card, and offered to buy me dinner.)

I have news for you home slice...
My ASS looks pretty damn awesome in a nice pair or even a not so nice pair of jeans.
Dumb bitches....they never surprise me...smh.
Is it possible for you to even have an ass if you're a size 0? Yea...No.
I know my big beautiful tits make your mouth water too. Do. Not. Disrespect. Me.

BlackBird - 1 Silly Bitch - 0

I Want to Be a Sexy Pre-Cog like my Lesbian Lover!

So today I think I'll sit in the mall and dish out "random" advice to strangers!

Do you remember the movie Minority Report? Well, Samantha Morton, whom I have an uncomfortable crush on, plays the PreCog Agatha. There was a scene in this movie where her and Tom Cruise are running through a mall and she's giving random strangers advice...like "don't go home, he knows"!

I thought this was sooooo awesome and so I have decided to replicate this scene in real life.

I'm wondering how long it will take before I get arrested thrown out.

I figure I can say things that aren't lewd but still funny...like:

~ "That down pillow is why your nose runs every morning."

~ "She likes it when you flick your tongue."

~ "You actually wear a size 9 shoe, not 7."
~ " Go see your mom, trust me."
Wouldn't this be awesome? I think I'll choke on spit while pissing my pants with laughter before I get thrown out tho.
I'll let you know how it goes.

If You Don't Know, You're A DumbAss and You Need To Learn!

I have a couple of new things happening right now. I'm deciding whether to buy a house or a condo. This might be easy for some people but for me, it is not...I am horrible at making decisions, it takes me too long and I tend to get very aggravated and say the hell with it.
But I really should just get over that shit really quickly because I mean dude, the market is only going to get better. I am the queen of deals...I LOVE getting awesome stuff for like pennies! It just makes me feel like I've gotten the most for my money ya know?

Random-Thought: I love me some pineapple!! Wooo!
Ok...
So I've asked around and people have given me a lot of suggestions but how do I know that these people aren't like child molesters or if they're hiding dead bodies in their basements?? I already don't trust people and now little ole me is trying to attain property for the best deal without having to give anybody head or a slow hand job. The deals I've seen are a little too awesome for my skeptical ass to appreciate. I understand the system a little bit better after asking one of my friends 156 million questions, that only spawned more questions...but he understands. Thanx Kev!! He wants everyone to get a great a deal as his...which I won't mention because I'm sure the FBI is crawling the net and his deal was sooo awesome I don't want to put him or his broker in jeopardy! I got your back Kev!!

So here is what I have so far...
Houses are a better fit for me because I love my space. I get kind of crazy with the Pavarotti blasting at 2am and I love to paint and recreate the space for myself, but that will be almost impossible with associations keeping me down...

Condos are great in the fact that I don't have to do shit! If anything breaks I can pretty much just call a sexy stripper turned plumber to come a "service" me.
But I will have to smell other people's cooking and nasty smells and stuff ew!
I may even have to fight for parking. Grrrrr.
Eh, I'm leaning toward the home but now don't laugh...I want to be able to take a dip in the pool. I know it's stupid, but condos come with fitness centers and pools. So I'm moping around about the fact that if I get a home I won't get a pool, and Kev (my home buying guru) says that I can get a personal pool for under $400!!
Problem Solved.
Until I learn more about this shit and then end up clueless again.
Until then...