Patriotic Eggs and The Pipe Layer...

I was craving scrambled eggs all day today, so I rushed home to cook them...is that weird?

eh...doesn't matter...they were awesome.

One of my exes told me that it was all in the whipping of the egg. He said I shouldn't stop scrambling until I was pouring directly into the pan...as nicely as he was laying it down...I didn't care what he was talking about...I just smiled and agreed.

His head game was also ridiculous...(Mommy, stop reading)...which means he pretty much got away with more than I would normally allow.

Yes I say allow because I'm not the one to really settle for something less than what I give, which is a lot.

Isn't it funny how sex controls us sometimes? How much we tolerate is directly related to how great the sex in the relationship is. Smh. Does that make us all simple twits, or lust-thriving freaks? Well its better than what some foreign alliance leaders call us.

btw-Like America, most of the people that you think love/wanna be you...Don't!

I Can't Believe You Did This!?! Wait, Yes I Can, Because You're A Dick!

I got kicked in the gut today...



Identity theft that I thought was resolved two years ago....hasn't been.

Some dude named Glen Nimakoecheng or some shit...stole my damn identity and is now fucking up my chance slowing down the process of me buying a house! Bastard.



So, every person that I see today who looks like his fucking name is Glen, I'm going to flip him the bird and spit on his shoes!



I'll update later if I don't get arrested.

It's shit like this that makes me want to put bleach in some ladies water bottle at the gym.

FYI: Anger management classes don't fucking work.

Oh, Maybe you Didn't Get the Memo...I'm the Shit!

He says "I love how you just walk around like you own this motherfucker"....
I said..."Oh, you must be new..."
He says "Well, now we know each other so you can speak and not ignore me when you see me staring at you."
I said..."Oh no, I will still ignore you, because you're not important to me." (smiling...)
He says "Not yet anyway"
I said..."Wow, you've got a big pair of balls....dont cha'?"
He says "You can try all you want to scare me off, it's not working...so just let it go."
I said..."You may not be scared now, but you will be...I assure you!"
He says "Try me if you want to...And I'll have your ass twisted. You better watch it."
I said..."Hmmm is that right? (raising one eyebrow like "The Rock"."
Giggling to myself...

I Hate Little Bitches and Their Jeans!!

(This is the conversation I had with myself after some teenager in Macy's proceeded to tell me what jeans might look good "in my size"....But then her superfine Boss told her she had so much to learn about what men want, he then promptly slid me his business card, and offered to buy me dinner.)

I have news for you home slice...
My ASS looks pretty damn awesome in a nice pair or even a not so nice pair of jeans.
Dumb bitches....they never surprise me...smh.
Is it possible for you to even have an ass if you're a size 0? Yea...No.
I know my big beautiful tits make your mouth water too. Do. Not. Disrespect. Me.

BlackBird - 1 Silly Bitch - 0

Touch Me, Tease Me.....Or Not!

Well I took a poll to ask readers what they would like me to blog about and SEX is the winner by like a landslide!!
Hmmm, lets see...what to discuss...how about likes and dislikes?

OK Likes/Quick ways to make my panties moist...(God I hope my mom isn't reading today...sorry Ma, I know its Sunday!):

*...slow, tender kisses
*...rubbing of the head...OK now this might present a problem because I now have a hair-piece in...like so many other women. So guys don't go rubbing on her bean until you get all of her beauty facts!
But my piece is coming out soon so, I love to have my head massaged...
*...I like it when he aims to please me...YEP...because I AIM to please...I LOVE to have him satisfied, it just feels so good to me.
*...blow me a kiss or motion a kiss from far away...I'll be squirming in my seat after a few of those.
*...sex toys...they just make the world better...lol
*...having sex in places where people might see...or we might get into trouble...ooooh yum!
*...uncircumcised penises...enough said!
*...manhandling...I like to be tossed around sometimes...maybe even a slap here and there...lol yes I know...with the wrong person, this can be a disaster...(I found that out the hard way....OK, moving on!)
*...sex in weird/erotic places: bathrooms, beaches, roof tops, the tops of car or trucks, parents/grandparents houses, malls, movie theaters, laundry rooms...etc...
*...CUNNILINGUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I'm doing the hula dance in my seat just thinking about it!)
*...his pleasure...This a big one...I won't get excited if I don't see that HE is excited!

Now, Dislikes/things that will never get you any of my Peach:
...body odor...I mean I LOVE giving head (ma if you're still reading, STOP right now!!)...yeah so...because I love giving head so much I have dealt with the musky, sweaty thing...but it's not optimal, and you or your balls shouldn't smell like you've been playing basketball in the desert!
...tongues in my ear...hell to the no...please, just don't!
...dirty hands and/or fingernails...because yuck sir!
...bad breath, FYI...this does NOT include that quickie in the morning before work!
...for you to stick anything inside my vagina that isn't a part of your body or a sex toy...this includes broom handles, pens, straws, popsicles, beer bottles, teething rings, or the like!
...ambivalence...because if you don't want to work for it, you wont get it! Period.
...bad teeth or smile, or hygiene...or dress...

Hmmmm, I'm sure there are a few more that Ive forgotten but we can add those in a bit later!
OK...........................talk amongst yourselves... :-)